After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
