but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
