One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
