hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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