Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
