we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
