Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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