four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
