She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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