u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize