It's Friday. Sex?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
