This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
