he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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