You're my little dorito
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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