I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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