I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
