I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
