we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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