I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize