I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
