Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
