dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
