Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're like the curious george of whores
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
