In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
