i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
