I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
