What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
