I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize