hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
