OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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