Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pants are for mortals
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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