he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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