I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This house was built for laser tag.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
