It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
