Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
