Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
this is an emotional support booty call
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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