I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
