what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
