PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
