She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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