david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
