If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
