failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
