im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
wow bdsm is so cute
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
