OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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