I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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