I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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