let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize