So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
