good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
