Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
