Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
