Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
