you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
