thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
