Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
