Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
