y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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