I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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