38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize