I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
