All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
