I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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