I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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