I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everclear isn't food dammit
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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