I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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