So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
