come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
