It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
