It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
