Buhtt sex?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
