I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
