How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
