if only i could text you this smell
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
