your parents love me but you hate me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
