The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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