Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
