Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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