apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Two words: blizzard sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
