why didn't you poke me back
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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