I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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