I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
