I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
