how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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