I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
