my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
