wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How does one acquire holy water?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
