she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
