Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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